Go With God

The Del Mar racing season is in full swing after a ridiculous-hat adorned opening day last Wednesday. In the spirit of summer, I headed for the horses directly from work on Friday (hatless, because I'm new at this). Apparently I also missed the memo on the Del Mar Uniform (micro mini jean skirt, black tank top, wedge sandals, fake t….well, you get the drift). Aside from feeling sorely overdressed in capris and sandals with only a 1" heel, I was caught up instantly in the excitement of a little pastime I like to call Gambling.

In order to gamble, you need one thing: Money. And whoopidy do, guess who hit the ATM on her way to the track? It was fate, and my crisp $20 was burning a hole in my pocket. Step one: obtain cash. Check! Step two: choose horses.

Now when choosing the horses you'd like to bet on, you should always use a very scientific method. Weigh the odds, study their record, trace their lineage. Or you could just bet on the horses with the coolest names. This is called the point-and-peck method of betting. I'm not saying it's 100% successful, but it sure beats putting good money down on a horse called "Ed" with 3/1 odds.

Step three: place bet. "$10 on Flaming Devil Pitchfork to place, $10 on My Crazy Ex Wife to win please." 15/1 and 12/1 odds respectively. I'm feeling lucky!

Starting gun. And they're off! I'm yelling, jumping up and down, GO NUMBER 7! RUN YOU SLOW B@STARD NUMBER 2! HERE THEY COME! NUMBER 7 IS MAKING A BREAK FOR IT! I'M GONNA BE RICH! I'M GONNA BE…

Where the holy HELL did number 8 come from?! Get outta there number 8! Who the hell is this ringer number 8? I don't even see #2 or #7 in this blur of silks. Wait! They're crossing the line and it looks like…

"Number 8 wins, followed by…"

Step 4: Check race results to see just who this Mario Andretti-ridden #8 is…


8th race - Del Mar - July 22, 2005

Winning Time: 1:04.54

Pgm:8
Horse:Our Father


This is God telling me I should spend more time praying and less time playing the horses.

H2Oh the horror!

My coach informed me last night, after an hour and a half of swimming painful laps of freestyle (the "crawl" for you non-swimmers) and backstroke ("blind crawl resulting in bruises and slight concussion" for non-swimmers like myself) that I am an aquaphobe. I thought this was a compliment, like "You are a natural and swim like a fish!" until my Vocab 101 kicked in and I realized what she was telling me.

Aquaphobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of water. Sufferers of aquaphobia experience anxiety even though they realize the water in an ocean, a river, a lake, a creek or even a bathtub may pose no imminent threat.

Now come on Mr. Webster, of COURSE I realize that the water in my bathtub poses no imminent threat to my person. I just prefer to take showers. Quick showers. Showers where the water runs immediately down the drain and straight into the pipes which will eventually transport it all the way back to its home in the Pacific Ocean. That big, dark, cold, waves-crashing, jellyfish-hiding-in-seaweed, hungry-shark-dwelling ocean. *shiver*

I think my aquaphobia (not medically diagnosed) stems from the time I watched "Jaws" at the Lake cabin then proceeded to go tubing. My mom was driving, her friend Cheryl was spotting. So our tube ride went something like this: Michelle and I getting whipped around the frothy wake of our turquoise '68 Bayliner, screaming bloody murder, while Cheryl and my mom are chatting away in the boat impervious to our shouts of "For the love of GOD, SLOWER!" Suffice it to say, after one donut hole too many, I was flipped off the tube and skipped like a rock for 40 feet, landing squarely in a thick bed of kelp. The boat kept going with petrified Michelle in tow, and the chatty Moms still oblivious behind the wheel. Da nuh, da nuh, danuh danuh danuh danuh AHHHHHHH!

As I got older, I quickly traded in my inner tube for a slalom ski. I still get behind the boat every chance I get (well, every time Hayden has anything resembling flat water), but I still hate the thought of falling in seaweed. Easy solution? I don't fall. I've gotten very good at waterskiing by using this technique. You should try it; it is guaranteed to improve your form.

July Club Race

Doing my part to feed the hungry racers. 700m/13.5mile/3.7mile