November 9, 2000
Florence, Italy
I think the fellow patrons of the "Webpuccino" think I'm crazy. Not as crazy as the homeless dude who just stormed in here and started yelling that he needed money for food because it's raining and the dumpsters are wet (in surprisingly good English, no less). But, crazy none the less.
Thursday, November 09, 2000
Leakerpants
"The Leaky Roommate"
It all started when I woke Dee* up at 9:20 this morning (after trying to get her up at 9:00). She was sleeping fully clothed, with her head resting on her bag, which was still slung over her shoulder, and had an umbrella propped against her face. No, really. I wanted to get a picture, but I was gonna be late to class. So, she gets up, after saying, "9:20! Why didn't you wake me up sooner?!" I wanted to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was employed as a human alarm clock! You're 21 years old...and I'm in no way, shape, or form your mother!" What I really said was, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was employed as a human alarm clock! You're 21 years old...and I'm in no way, shape, or form your mother!" So, still wasted, she finally crawls out of bed. After a moment of blurry-eyed confusion, Dee suddenly stands up ramrod straight, eyes blazing now fully awake and yells, "Who the F#CK poured water on me?!"
"What?!" my other roommate Jill* and I exclaim in unison.
"You F#CKIN' dumped water on me last night!" (yelled at me)
I'm thinking, "How the f#ck did I dump water on her when I was sleeping across the room in my bed?" I said, to the enraged idiot, "How the f#ck did I dump water on you when I was sleeping across the room in my bed?" To which Jill replies, (being a veteran herself): "Leaker Pants!"
Oh, man! If you've ever seen a cat dropped in a bathtub, well, I bet you laughed. But, if you've ever seen a Dee damp with her own piss and in complete denial about it, well, you laugh then too. And wet Dee's DO NOT like being laughed at...
So, to bring the story to its ultimately smelly conclusion, I am convinced (as is the whole GU in Flo program after they overheard the tale) that Dee passed out, urinated, and then marinated in it for the better portion of last night. Hey, if she wants to run around telling people I dumped water on her (go go Gadget arm), more power to her. But I know the truth, as you now do... The truth about the Leaky Roommate!
*Names have been changes to protect the bladder control issues of those involved.
It all started when I woke Dee* up at 9:20 this morning (after trying to get her up at 9:00). She was sleeping fully clothed, with her head resting on her bag, which was still slung over her shoulder, and had an umbrella propped against her face. No, really. I wanted to get a picture, but I was gonna be late to class. So, she gets up, after saying, "9:20! Why didn't you wake me up sooner?!" I wanted to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was employed as a human alarm clock! You're 21 years old...and I'm in no way, shape, or form your mother!" What I really said was, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was employed as a human alarm clock! You're 21 years old...and I'm in no way, shape, or form your mother!" So, still wasted, she finally crawls out of bed. After a moment of blurry-eyed confusion, Dee suddenly stands up ramrod straight, eyes blazing now fully awake and yells, "Who the F#CK poured water on me?!"
"What?!" my other roommate Jill* and I exclaim in unison.
"You F#CKIN' dumped water on me last night!" (yelled at me)
I'm thinking, "How the f#ck did I dump water on her when I was sleeping across the room in my bed?" I said, to the enraged idiot, "How the f#ck did I dump water on you when I was sleeping across the room in my bed?" To which Jill replies, (being a veteran herself): "Leaker Pants!"
Oh, man! If you've ever seen a cat dropped in a bathtub, well, I bet you laughed. But, if you've ever seen a Dee damp with her own piss and in complete denial about it, well, you laugh then too. And wet Dee's DO NOT like being laughed at...
So, to bring the story to its ultimately smelly conclusion, I am convinced (as is the whole GU in Flo program after they overheard the tale) that Dee passed out, urinated, and then marinated in it for the better portion of last night. Hey, if she wants to run around telling people I dumped water on her (go go Gadget arm), more power to her. But I know the truth, as you now do... The truth about the Leaky Roommate!
*Names have been changes to protect the bladder control issues of those involved.
French fries included
November 9, 2000
A bathroom?
Real-life beds?
Oh, elation!
Spent last week in Greece; started with a glorious stay at Hotel Jason, which the locals were kind enough to point out served as the epicenter of Athens' drug trade. Thankfully, a group of 127 drunken Americans is more intimidating than a couple of heroin addicts twitching on the side of the road. The cops here were lenient towards both parties, that is until an unidentified member of the 127 dropped a drachma from a 4th floor window and popped a Greek "business man" directly on the head. Our stay in Athens was a short one.
On to Mykanos, island of homosexuals, Italian designers, rock stars--and sometimes that describes the same person. 6 hours on the sea later…
And our Mykanos stay goes like this:
Chapter One: Egg In Your Face
The quickest place you can find to lay down your sleeping bag when you're sleep-deprived and wasted tends to be the most dangerous spot in a city (parks in Rome strewn with syringes being a prime example). In Mykanos, it was a little spec of beach right in the harbor, a dumpy little strip of land normally only touched by oil washed up from the departing ferries. I didn't care. I was tucked in, drifting off into a heavy dreamless sleep, when…THWACK. Shhh! I'm trying to sleep…THWACK. "Hey, what the f*ck?!" THWACK! It's Armageddon, and I'm trapped in a mummy bag!
Wait, what is this yellow goop all over me? THWACK! Realization: We're being EGGED! Greek youth, out after dark and up to no good, decided they needed to unload some eggs and vanilla yoghurt onto the stupid Americanos snuggled up for the night! Little bastards! It's all out war now, with us grabbing and hucking anything we can at the laughing punks in the bushes across the way…Funnier than actually getting egged, though, was when Hef--in a burst of sanity--chucked his entire DOWN sleeping bag into the Aegean Sea! Submitting the half-roll of film I shot of that to "America's Funniest Home Videos!"
Chapter Two: FRESH seafood
The next day we were all balls of sunshine, but thankfully the weather was AMAZING (high 80's and sunny). We quickly found a little pier to sunbathe on, and were just getting settled in to catch up on last night's lack of sleep, when…THWACK! What is WITH these people?! THWACK!
Wait, what is this yellow goop all over me…again? Octopus entrails? Lovely! Apparently we were catching rays on a local fisherman's cutting board. This ancient Greek was repeatedly slamming an octopus against the pier (tenderizing it, I'm guessing)...mushy eyeballs and tentacles flying everywhere. "Fresh calamari" now has a whole new meaning.
Quickly moved to yet another beach, sans pulverized sealife, and spent the remainder of the day tanning and swimming.
Chapter Three: Well, my ex-boyfriend rode a motorcycle
Tired of the beach, a group of us decided to rent mopeds and take in the rest of the island. As the rental shop owner is grilling me on my two-wheeled driving capabilities I'm thinking, "Hey, I dated a guy who rode a motorcycle, this will be NO problem!" So I hop right on the nearest moped for my test drive, twist the right handlebar as far back as it will go, and proceed to ride directly off the side of the road and directly into the side of the neighboring garage. Suffice it to say, the owner was not pleased and immediately revoked my moped-driving privileges. My roommate, fairing better on her test-drive, did get to rent one, but her story has an equally unhappy ending after a 30-minute ride and $230 crash.
Not to be outdone (and motorless), a couple of us did go in on a delightful Fiat Panda (the luxury model upgrade with two sunroofs!) and rallied all 4-cylinders around the island the rest of the weekend. And yes, sir, these International Student ID cards are exactly the same as International Driver's Licenses!
A bathroom?
Real-life beds?
Oh, elation!
Spent last week in Greece; started with a glorious stay at Hotel Jason, which the locals were kind enough to point out served as the epicenter of Athens' drug trade. Thankfully, a group of 127 drunken Americans is more intimidating than a couple of heroin addicts twitching on the side of the road. The cops here were lenient towards both parties, that is until an unidentified member of the 127 dropped a drachma from a 4th floor window and popped a Greek "business man" directly on the head. Our stay in Athens was a short one.
On to Mykanos, island of homosexuals, Italian designers, rock stars--and sometimes that describes the same person. 6 hours on the sea later…
And our Mykanos stay goes like this:
Chapter One: Egg In Your Face
The quickest place you can find to lay down your sleeping bag when you're sleep-deprived and wasted tends to be the most dangerous spot in a city (parks in Rome strewn with syringes being a prime example). In Mykanos, it was a little spec of beach right in the harbor, a dumpy little strip of land normally only touched by oil washed up from the departing ferries. I didn't care. I was tucked in, drifting off into a heavy dreamless sleep, when…THWACK. Shhh! I'm trying to sleep…THWACK. "Hey, what the f*ck?!" THWACK! It's Armageddon, and I'm trapped in a mummy bag!
Wait, what is this yellow goop all over me? THWACK! Realization: We're being EGGED! Greek youth, out after dark and up to no good, decided they needed to unload some eggs and vanilla yoghurt onto the stupid Americanos snuggled up for the night! Little bastards! It's all out war now, with us grabbing and hucking anything we can at the laughing punks in the bushes across the way…Funnier than actually getting egged, though, was when Hef--in a burst of sanity--chucked his entire DOWN sleeping bag into the Aegean Sea! Submitting the half-roll of film I shot of that to "America's Funniest Home Videos!"
Chapter Two: FRESH seafood
The next day we were all balls of sunshine, but thankfully the weather was AMAZING (high 80's and sunny). We quickly found a little pier to sunbathe on, and were just getting settled in to catch up on last night's lack of sleep, when…THWACK! What is WITH these people?! THWACK!
Wait, what is this yellow goop all over me…again? Octopus entrails? Lovely! Apparently we were catching rays on a local fisherman's cutting board. This ancient Greek was repeatedly slamming an octopus against the pier (tenderizing it, I'm guessing)...mushy eyeballs and tentacles flying everywhere. "Fresh calamari" now has a whole new meaning.
Quickly moved to yet another beach, sans pulverized sealife, and spent the remainder of the day tanning and swimming.
Chapter Three: Well, my ex-boyfriend rode a motorcycle
Tired of the beach, a group of us decided to rent mopeds and take in the rest of the island. As the rental shop owner is grilling me on my two-wheeled driving capabilities I'm thinking, "Hey, I dated a guy who rode a motorcycle, this will be NO problem!" So I hop right on the nearest moped for my test drive, twist the right handlebar as far back as it will go, and proceed to ride directly off the side of the road and directly into the side of the neighboring garage. Suffice it to say, the owner was not pleased and immediately revoked my moped-driving privileges. My roommate, fairing better on her test-drive, did get to rent one, but her story has an equally unhappy ending after a 30-minute ride and $230 crash.
Not to be outdone (and motorless), a couple of us did go in on a delightful Fiat Panda (the luxury model upgrade with two sunroofs!) and rallied all 4-cylinders around the island the rest of the weekend. And yes, sir, these International Student ID cards are exactly the same as International Driver's Licenses!
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