Leakerpants

"The Leaky Roommate"

It all started when I woke Dee* up at 9:20 this morning (after trying to get her up at 9:00). She was sleeping fully clothed, with her head resting on her bag, which was still slung over her shoulder, and had an umbrella propped against her face. No, really. I wanted to get a picture, but I was gonna be late to class. So, she gets up, after saying, "9:20! Why didn't you wake me up sooner?!" I wanted to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was employed as a human alarm clock! You're 21 years old...and I'm in no way, shape, or form your mother!" What I really said was, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot I was employed as a human alarm clock! You're 21 years old...and I'm in no way, shape, or form your mother!" So, still wasted, she finally crawls out of bed. After a moment of blurry-eyed confusion, Dee suddenly stands up ramrod straight, eyes blazing now fully awake and yells, "Who the F#CK poured water on me?!"

"What?!" my other roommate Jill* and I exclaim in unison.

"You F#CKIN' dumped water on me last night!" (yelled at me)

I'm thinking, "How the f#ck did I dump water on her when I was sleeping across the room in my bed?" I said, to the enraged idiot, "How the f#ck did I dump water on you when I was sleeping across the room in my bed?" To which Jill replies, (being a veteran herself): "Leaker Pants!"

Oh, man! If you've ever seen a cat dropped in a bathtub, well, I bet you laughed. But, if you've ever seen a Dee damp with her own piss and in complete denial about it, well, you laugh then too. And wet Dee's DO NOT like being laughed at...

So, to bring the story to its ultimately smelly conclusion, I am convinced (as is the whole GU in Flo program after they overheard the tale) that Dee passed out, urinated, and then marinated in it for the better portion of last night. Hey, if she wants to run around telling people I dumped water on her (go go Gadget arm), more power to her. But I know the truth, as you now do... The truth about the Leaky Roommate!

*Names have been changes to protect the bladder control issues of those involved.