Go With God

The Del Mar racing season is in full swing after a ridiculous-hat adorned opening day last Wednesday. In the spirit of summer, I headed for the horses directly from work on Friday (hatless, because I'm new at this). Apparently I also missed the memo on the Del Mar Uniform (micro mini jean skirt, black tank top, wedge sandals, fake t….well, you get the drift). Aside from feeling sorely overdressed in capris and sandals with only a 1" heel, I was caught up instantly in the excitement of a little pastime I like to call Gambling.

In order to gamble, you need one thing: Money. And whoopidy do, guess who hit the ATM on her way to the track? It was fate, and my crisp $20 was burning a hole in my pocket. Step one: obtain cash. Check! Step two: choose horses.

Now when choosing the horses you'd like to bet on, you should always use a very scientific method. Weigh the odds, study their record, trace their lineage. Or you could just bet on the horses with the coolest names. This is called the point-and-peck method of betting. I'm not saying it's 100% successful, but it sure beats putting good money down on a horse called "Ed" with 3/1 odds.

Step three: place bet. "$10 on Flaming Devil Pitchfork to place, $10 on My Crazy Ex Wife to win please." 15/1 and 12/1 odds respectively. I'm feeling lucky!

Starting gun. And they're off! I'm yelling, jumping up and down, GO NUMBER 7! RUN YOU SLOW B@STARD NUMBER 2! HERE THEY COME! NUMBER 7 IS MAKING A BREAK FOR IT! I'M GONNA BE RICH! I'M GONNA BE…

Where the holy HELL did number 8 come from?! Get outta there number 8! Who the hell is this ringer number 8? I don't even see #2 or #7 in this blur of silks. Wait! They're crossing the line and it looks like…

"Number 8 wins, followed by…"

Step 4: Check race results to see just who this Mario Andretti-ridden #8 is…


8th race - Del Mar - July 22, 2005

Winning Time: 1:04.54

Pgm:8
Horse:Our Father


This is God telling me I should spend more time praying and less time playing the horses.