Gave up writing for Lent

I came home from a sushi dinner last night to find my fish floating upside down in his bowl. After learning of my decadent consumption of his relatives, I think he died of disgust.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me to give up seafood for Lent... or to stop buying pets on a whim.

Speaking of Lent, what have I given up? Smoking, actually. But it started a few weeks ago with a gnarly sinus infection. This lack of nicotine inhalation has actually been less traumatic than anticipated considering my throat is still fresh with what feels like razor blade nicks and a constant sewage spill. Gross with a capital G. But I digress.

Back to Lent: Forty days of giving up something that you do not really need to have anyway. Like in 4th Grade when I boldly gave up potato chips until Easter. Come that first Hot Dog Day in the Catholic school cafeteria, picture me reaching for the Doritos arguing: “Hey, these are tortilla chips, Sister!”

Lent sacrifices usually follow this formula:

a) You give up something you eat/drink/ingest
b) This is not your absolute favorite something to eat/drink/ingest
c) You do not depend on this something to survive the every day trauma of life

I ran a few scenarios through my head (and past my social advisors) to determine what I should personally give up for the big J.C. this year. Those scenarios went something like this…

I’ll Give Up Sweets…
But since there are only crumbs of the 2 boxes of Girl Scouts cookies left in the cupboard, and I have to keep a Food Diary to impress my personal trainer anyway, that would be too easy.

I’ll Give Up Coffee…
But that would just make my coworkers’ lives a living Hell from about 8am-noon, so that would not be very kind. And I am trying to win Employee of the Month, so caffeine is my ally on this one.

I’ll Give Up Alcohol…
But that is sadly the center of my social existence and the balance that keeps the pendulum from swinging too far to “bright-eyed and bushy tailed at 6 a.m.” And this would also cause my cocktailing shifts to turn quickly from Weekend Moonlighting into the 7th Circle.

So I have finally decided just to give up Sanity…but that could just be the lack of nicotine talking.